Cielo is our Nickelodeon nightmare—from green slime to energy drink to blood to meat to bones to chicken grease. Because this is America! This is the age of happiness! You deserve it all. You can have it all. And we are giving it all. We give you everything. Everything we could find and fit before our computer processors melt into our motherboards. We give you electric candles, Glade plug-in s that smell of fresh linen, fantastic-fried-fast-food sandwiches, revitalizing beverages, swirling audio, nauseating video, and what else could you ask for? Tell us and we will find it and we will add it.
Listen now: the audio is a pastiche of American TV shows, yell and sell infomercials, sporting events, political speeches, gansta rap, and rollercoaster rides. Look, this is for you. The animation pans and zooms slowly as dancers wiggle, blood flows, neon strobes, smoke rises, and bodies writhe. Nothing in this image is stable. There are signs that we are losing control of the situation. All kinds of savage hell are breaking loose. Everything is on the brink of devouring itself in the moment of impossible spectacle. This is the moment we have been waiting for. We want you to feel as we do, both omnipotent and overwhelmed. Like a bug with a thousand eyes you see the kaleidoscopic Converse rushing towards you—SPLAT!
As a culture we are bloodletting. We are part of a mass social media focus group. We have been convinced that we have to give a part of ourselves in order to participate, in order to have lots of friends and have fun fun fun. We carelessly spread our images, our lust, our secrets, our scandal, and our precious opinions all across the Internet. Do you know what my favorite bands are this week? How many hits does your profile have? How many people are following your feed? We are the perfect prototype for a generation that will accomplish almost nothing and not wonder why. Our lives are recorded in discarded social networks. Live Journal, Friendster, MySpace, Face Book, Twitter. We are easily distracted, we drool and laugh, scream and holler at everyone and everything else. We can be a new person every day, continuously interesting to the world. Shedding skin after skin we are reborn, naked and energized. We can be cool and accepted if we just try harder, give more blood.
The Internet is littered with our bodies. The blood is evidence of our sacrifice, our offerings. Take it, we want you to know what we are made of—from concentrate. It says right here on the back: “Chock full of grit and artificial flavors.” So we ask you to fill that red plastic chalice and drink up. This special brew is full of electrolytes, corn syrup, sodium, yellow number 5, anti-oxidants, Youthinol, Enzyte, probiotics, guarana, A, B, and C vitamins. It’s snake oil, we know, but placeboes gain power in proportion to the marketing behind them. You will feel free, exuberant, exultant, effervescent, improved, refreshed, revitalized, triumphant, a new person all-together—ready to answer the questions of tomorrow. We guarantee it! No doubt about it. At least that’s what the press release said.
Side effects include: dry mouth, blurred vision, drowsiness, dizziness, sexual problems, vomiting, bleeding from the face and ears, the shakes, the shivers, the tremors, foaming, lock jaw, teeth grinding, hallucinations—including visions of the self transforming machine parade from hyperspace, forgotten imaginary friends, the Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus, and embarrassing sexual experiences in high school.
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